There's something in this performance that makes me feel like I got hit by a bag of baggage claims somewhere and woke up in one of the most magnificent places, and it's like...How?...Where am I?!

--Peacock (streaming service), Eurovision 2022, Semifinal 1, May 10, 2022

(on Norway's entry, "Give That Wolf a Banana" sung by Subwoolfer)

On Friday I had a very severe attack of vertigo...If you've not had it, it's kinda like being on a cruise ship in a hurricane and also Sharknado at the same time.

--Instagram, video, May 2, 2022

What’s the polite way to let your upstairs hotel neighbor know that they have woken you up every day of your trip between 04:30-06:30am with what I can only imagine is a new majorette routine rehearsal or bathroom demolition? Do I send a note?

--Twitter, July 30, 2021 

I did take Windex with me to Tokyo so I could satisfy my cleaning OCD whilst abroad, but so excited that I woke up at 5 today from jet-lag so I could clean one piece of onion skin from my veggie drawer that then begat a top to bottom kitchen clean-up.

--Twitter, August 11, 2021 

I don't like corn, I've never been to Greece, and because of ice skating, I'll never be able to sleep on my back because my ass is too big.
Twitter, video, August 8, 2018

Well my flight has been delayed five hours. There isn’t a sundae big enough to dull that pain. #crypretty
--Twitter, May 2, 2018

I basically just find old mop heads on the floor when I'm traveling and pop them in there!
--allure.com, "Olympic Legend Johnny Weir Reveals the Secret to His Gravity-Defying Hair" by Amber Kallor, March 26, 2018
(on where he finds inspiration for his updos)

I don’t have a lot of time for anything. I don’t have a personal life, I have very few friendly outings, I am constantly on an airplane and working. I’m very busy and Windex hotel rooms for fun.
--forbes.com., "Catching Up On 'Yuri!!! On Ice' With Figure Skater Johnny Weir" by Lauren Orsini, August 31, 2017

I was like mid extreme couponing for Nair and bananas, and I don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was on a bus to Foxwoods in Connecticut, which is a casino.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep 32: "Holding court at Maggiano's; Fire drills," April 5, 2017

She basically looked at me like I was a bloody band-aid from six days ago that you'd find on some child's shoe.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep.39: "Live with Kelli," June 7, 2017
(describing his interaction with a rude flight attendant)

Just had the most awkward nostalgia cry in the car to the airport. Happy cry though. Like a civilized person, I usually cry in the shower.
--Twitter, April 2, 2017

You know, the ACM awards are sparklier than me. I take umbrage. Also, I need to go there. #MothtotheFlame
--Twitter, April 2, 2017
 (on the Academy of Country Music awards show)

Got asked the most uncommon things I travel with. 1. Magic Erasers 2. Bottle of Windex 3. Mini replica of Тёма
--Twitter, June 3, 2016

Blogger's note: "Magic Eraser" is a Mr. Clean scrubbing sponge. Тёма is Johnny's adorable Japanese Chin dog.

I thought it would be amazing for travel and going out, but alas, I am not one who can pull off a fanny pack--even a vintage Chanel one.
--nypost.com, "Johnny Weir's furs and Louis Vuitton luggage can now be yours" by Timothy Mitchell, March 23, 2015
(on his $1,000 "Chanel waist bag" to be sold on eBay)

Post Carnaval, hotel lobby. Exhausted, moistened and happy. Why wear pants? Oyasuminasai!
--Instagram, February 8, 2016
(during his trip to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)

Another Johnny quote that to fully appreciate, needs the photo:

Blogger's note: Oyasuminasai is Japanese for "good night."

It's fun when you travel so much that you have no idea what your zip code is OR how to work the electronics in your home. Microwave clock?
--Twitter, February 12, 2016

We're moved into our adjoinings. 147 hangers later...
--Twitter, January 31, 2016 
(during his trip to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, with Tara Lipinski)

I wanted to tweet something about how many handsome men there were at Detroit airport & praise the Middle West then it got weird so, yeah.
--Twitter, August 9, 2015

Road Trip home. I love a good drive so I can sing so hard I cry and justify massive Haribo consumption. Beep Beep
--Instagram, June 16, 2015

You know you travel too much when half the barren wasteland that is your fridge is made up of skin products. Bonus product: Porcelain encased butter (Fat)
--Instagram, May 5, 2015