This is where a case can be made for muscle memory. If your chunky booty has done something once, it'll remember to do it again even if your eyes are like a whirligig.

--Instagram, video, May 2, 2022

(after Johnny skated while experiencing vertigo)

On Friday I had a very severe attack of vertigo...If you've not had it, it's kinda like being on a cruise ship in a hurricane and also Sharknado at the same time.

--Instagram, video, May 2, 2022

You can't put toothpaste back into the tube much like you can't unmistake a mistake.

--Instagram video, December 17, 2021

[ Q: Are your eyelashes real? If so...how?]

You should see my dad. He's like Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street, like a big feather boa.

--Instagram, Q & A, September 29, 2020

As introspective as one may be, you really only know yourself when instagram suggests things you may enjoy. Hot dudes, Hermès & skateboards?
--Twitter, August 22, 2017

That awkward moment when you realize you're too over the top for your own google. And you type "emerald crystal chandelier," and it comes back after it felt like 10 minutes and says, "Did you just mean green, you pretentious queen?"
--Instagram, video, May 6, 2018

Even when all seems lost, you've gotta fight for it & even if you fall down, stand up and present.
--Instagram, May 10, 2017

I wish I'd allow myself to get into InstaStory. I just fear that you'd have videos of my inner ear and handbag muffles of me cursing.
--Twitter, February 21, 2017 
(on a feature of the photo sharing app Instagram) 

I never met a sale I didn't like.
--Instagram, January 26, 2017

Nobody simply arrives. They suffer & achieve in silence while no one is looking and then, they create magic.
--Instagram, January 25, 2017

Post Carnaval, hotel lobby. Exhausted, moistened and happy. Why wear pants? Oyasuminasai!
--Instagram, February 8, 2016
(during his trip to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)

Another Johnny quote that to fully appreciate, needs the photo:

Blogger's note: Oyasuminasai is Japanese for "good night."

Played a pick-up game of footvolley today, a Carioca game. This is my ending pose. "The ethereal presenting of the booty." Boys......?
--Instagram, February 5, 2016

Blogger's note: To get the full flavor of this quote, you need to see the photo:

Road Trip home. I love a good drive so I can sing so hard I cry and justify massive Haribo consumption. Beep Beep
--Instagram, June 16, 2015

You know you travel too much when half the barren wasteland that is your fridge is made up of skin products. Bonus product: Porcelain encased butter (Fat)
--Instagram, May 5, 2015

Many people have been telling me how brave I must be to wear a crown of roses. To me, it is natural. Derby=Roses. Believe in yourselves, trust your intuition and do things because you believe in them and pay no heed to those who don't understand your vision.
--Instagram, May 3, 2015

No place I feel more like an idiot than in a home improvement superstore. "Sssir, where's the thing you use to tighten the knobby things?" "A wrench?" "No it's different. It's squiggly." 
--Instagram, March 2, 2015

That thing of planning looks with your makeup artist & using Instagram filters as references. "I want full Amaro, just nostrils and lashes."
--Twitter, February 12, 2015

I just can't wait until I'm absolutely shit-faced and have to find my way out of this.
--G Lounge, "Sweet 16th Birthday Party," Instagram video, September 16, 2013

Real men wear feathers on their heads.
--TaraandJohnny Instagram video, May 3, 2014
(the one thing he learned from the Kentucky Derby)

I mean we're very secure, but they took everything. What am I supposed to do without concealer? What if I see someone?
--taraandjohnny Instagram video, February 23, 2014
(after boarding plane for trip back to U.S. after Sochi Olympics)