Johnny Weir

Whether witty or wise, controversial or charming, shocking or silly, sweet or sassy, provocative or profound, inspiring or infuriating--or any combination of those--Johnny Weir, the three-time U.S. Champion, two-time Olympian, and World medalist figure skater, almost always says something worth quoting whenever he commentates a skating competition, makes a TV appearance, gives an interview, holds a press conference, writes, tweets, or is caught on video. His quotes needed to be collected and shared; hence this blog.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

In related news tonight, Johnny Weir was found nesting like a goose in a dark corner of a Waffle House while crying and playing a kazoo. His expected recovery time is unknown.
--Twitter, May 17, 2019

Friday, May 10, 2019

There's something wonderfully floaty about his technique....It's almost like he's bouncing from marshmallow to marshmallow.
--NBCSN, 2019 World's Figure Skating Championship, broadcast of men's free skate, March 23, 2019
(about Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada's combination jumps)

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

If you're comfortable with an uneven paper towel tear, you're a psychopath and I can't be your friend.
--Twitter, video, October 5, 2018

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Just a couple words about rain shower faucets in your shower: One, they will drown you as soon as look at you. Two, without doing a handstand, you'll never really get a proper rinse on your nethers. Just sayin'.
--Twitter, video, March 22, 2019

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Someone told me I’m supposed to feed my rose bushes. What do they eat? Like...local children? Whipped cream? Sharks?
--Twitter, April 23 2019

Sunday, March 24, 2019

He was moving his head up and down and side to side a lot, almost like an agitated pigeon. 
--NBCSN, 2019 World Figure Skating Championships, men's short program, March 21, 2019
(on Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada's short program)

Sunday, November 4, 2018

So I'm in my new house, cleaning, and a fly got in somehow. And please riddle me this: Have you ever chased a fly with an entire vacuum cleaner simply because you had nothing else to kill it with?
--Twitter, video, October 13, 2018

Saturday, November 3, 2018

I make so many fans of music angry per year. It's not a proper skating season unless I anger someone.
--Olympic Channel, Skate Canada, men's free skate, broadcast November 1, 2018
(after criticizing Australian skater Brendan Kerry's "Grease" free skate music, saying Kerry was an elegant skater who didn't need the "cheese-effect" of "Grease")

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

She loves a good wrist moment.
--NBC, Skate Canada, ladies free program, broadcast October 28, 2018
(on Russian skater Elizaveta Tuktamysheva's unique skating style)

Monday, October 22, 2018

If there's somebody, even if it's an older lady, I will see her park at the same time as I do, and then I rush through the store just so I make it through check-out before she does. We are in Olympic level competition, me and baba.
--ABC, The $100,000 Pyramid, September 23, 2018
(on his being competitive, even at the grocery)

Monday, August 20, 2018

If I have a child, I'm raisin' her Amish. She's not going to know there's even electricity....She'll know all about Hermès Birkin bags, but not how to achieve them.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 74, "Kids Korner," May 24, 2018

Sunday, August 19, 2018

If it's gold and shiny, most likely I'll  put it on my wall. I would totally marry Seth Rogen. And if you're trying to look like someone else, you never will, so stop.
--Twitter, video, August 10, 2018

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

I don't like corn, I've never been to Greece, and because of ice skating, I'll never be able to sleep on my back because my ass is too big.
Twitter, video, August 8, 2018

Monday, August 13, 2018

Whenever “the dark net” is brought up in the news, it shocks me that people can even find it. I can’t even find Siri on my iPhone X. Like, where is she bruh?
--Twitter, August 7, 2018

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Anyone else ever ponder the simplicity of life married to an Amish man? Back home in Lancaster County, PA yesterday made kinda wonder how I’d look in buggy. 
--Twitter, August 5, 2018

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Sometimes we think we're super classy. Sometimes we find ourselves hoovering an entire tub of Count Chocula before bed. Sometimes, we smile.
--Twitter, September 6, 2017

Friday, August 3, 2018

Honestly the first time I’ve done a production call where I ask for many things not limited to, wheat fronds, a dog & Alexander Skarsgård
--Twitter, October 5, 2017
(on his appearance on Lip Sync Battle)

Saturday, July 7, 2018

That thing of feeling as if you’d do almost anything for a slice of pecan pie w/vanilla whipped cream. Cut to me enjoying a cracker instead.
--Twitter, October 23, 2017

Thursday, July 5, 2018

When I think of beach--sharks, sunburn, and sand...in places it shouldn't be. I'm not a beach fan. I'm more of a snowy mountain sort of girl.
--Food Network, Wedding Cake Championship, "Viva Mexico," Season 1, Ep. 2, July 2, 2018

Thursday, May 31, 2018

I believe that no matter how weird you are, how different you are, how eccentric, how flamboyant, how "whatever" you are what you are, everyone else is just as weird as you are.
--nbcnews.com, "Johnny Weir on standing up to bullying and being comfortable in your own skin" by Margaret O'Malley, April

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Does anyone else ever have one of those days where someone's like "Have a nice day!" and you're all, "You need to say goodbye to anyone you have ever loved. Dick."?
--Twitter, video, May 11, 2018

Monday, May 14, 2018

It takes just one critic to acclaim you to consider yourself “critically acclaimed” and it takes just one critic to criticize you to force you to dig deep, find your power and MAKE them acclaim you at which point, their acclaim means nothing to you. #musings
--Twitter, January 21, 2018

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Basically any couch pattern that you can see at grandma's house and throw it on a dress, the busier the better, it's all on trend.
--NBC, Kentucky Derby broadcast, May 9, 2018
(on the flowered dress fashion trend)

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Well my flight has been delayed five hours. There isn’t a sundae big enough to dull that pain. #crypretty
--Twitter, May 2, 2018

Monday, May 7, 2018

That awkward moment when you realize you're too over the top for your own google. And you type "emerald crystal chandelier," and it comes back after it felt like 10 minutes and says, "Did you just mean green, you pretentious queen?"
--Instagram, video, May 6, 2018