Johnny Weir

Whether witty or wise, controversial or charming, shocking or silly, sweet or sassy, provocative or profound, inspiring or infuriating--or any combination of those--Johnny Weir, the three-time U.S. Champion, two-time Olympian, and World medalist figure skater, almost always says something worth quoting whenever he commentates a skating competition, makes a TV appearance, gives an interview, holds a press conference, writes, tweets, or is caught on video. His quotes needed to be collected and shared; hence this blog.

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Tender Vegetation. Can that be one of our drag names?
--Twitter, April 22, 2020

(after seeing the phrase "Protect Tender Vegetation" in a frost advisory from a local TV meteorologist)

Friday, September 11, 2020

You walk a little bit like a penguin in those. You should be able to try and walk like a pony or like Naomi Campbell.
--marvel.com, Marvel Storyboards, "Johnny Weir and the History of Super Hero Costumes!" posted August 13, 2020
(to Joe Quesada, Creative Director of Marvel Entertainment, as Quesada walks to the skating rink wearing hockey skates)

Thursday, September 10, 2020

I hope I don't cross her because she has a lot of big cats that she could sic on me.  
--EW.com, "Johnny Weir won't cross Carole Baskin on DWTS: She has 'big cats that she could sic on me,'" by Rosy Cordero, September 9, 2020  
(on Carole Baskin, founder of Big Cat Rescue, featured in the Netflix docuseries Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness. She and Johnny Weir will both compete on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars.)

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

I miss the ice. I miss being totally alone with my music. I miss flying through the air. I miss the cold. I know this will all end. Stay positive and focus on the things that make you happy.
--Twitter, April 27, 2020

Saturday, May 23, 2020

If you ever catch me on a long walk, know that some shit is very wrong.
--Twitter, April 25, 2020

Saturday, May 9, 2020

One mustn’t cry over spilt milk. One must endeavor to clean up the spilt milk before it destroys your countertops.
--Twitter, May 1, 2020

Saturday, April 18, 2020

If you ever catch me with those ear bud pod things in my ears, snatch my wig and send me straight to church.
--Twitter, April 13, 2020

Sunday, March 1, 2020

[Terry Gannon, Well, we're in Vegas. Let me ask you: What odds would you have given that we wouldn't see a Russian skater in the top three?]

I buy shoes; I don't gamble.
--NBCSN, Skate America, ladies short program, broadcast October 18, 2019

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Do I look like a type of person that would wear a tube sock?
--Fox Network, The Masked Singer, "Road to the Finale," December 18, 2019
(on the clothes all the contestants were required to wear on set in order to hide their identities when they weren't in costume.)

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Always be proud of your accomplishments but never be too proud to stop learning. A clean slate is what tomorrow brings and you’ve gotta paint the fuck out of that bitch too, so go be your best selves.
--Twitter, June 2, 2019

Thursday, November 14, 2019

One of my biggest fears is pouring milk out and it being chunky.
--Twitter, video, August 28, 2018

Monday, November 11, 2019

I need to become a panda mother, where I’d go and sit with baby pandas and teach them how to balance a checkbook and land triple lutzes and stuff.
--Twitter, August 8, 2019

Thursday, October 31, 2019

This moment when there are technical glitches with the computers and things like that are so uncomfortable, when you're the one left out on the ice, it's kind of like you're the one who showed up to grade school wearing a Halloween costume and no one else has one on. And everyone can see you.
--NBCSN, Skate America, men's free skate, October 18, 2019

Saturday, October 12, 2019

I think Tupperware is the devil's handiwork.
--Twitter, video, October 4, 2018

Sunday, October 6, 2019

As introspective as one may be, you really only know yourself when instagram suggests things you may enjoy. Hot dudes, Herm├Ęs & skateboards?
--Twitter, August 22, 2017

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

You want grandma to be happy when she's into her third whiskey and those shoes are off.
--Food Network, Wedding Cake Championship, Season 2, Ep. 4, June 24, 2019
(on the importance of choosing the right wedding cake)

Monday, September 23, 2019

The layers of judgement in our world are plenty, but I so prefer believing people are good, before I judge them for being being bad. Give each other a chance. There is no normal and there is no weird. Just be and let everyone around you be too.
--Twitter, September 21, 2019

Saturday, August 10, 2019

I'll tell you what, calling comcast and Xfinity every few days for the last month and giving them an average of 40 minutes of my life per call, having at least four expert technicians come to my home and still nobody can help me makes me want to go full Amish and forget the tech.
--Twitter, August 7, 2019

Saturday, May 25, 2019

In related news tonight, Johnny Weir was found nesting like a goose in a dark corner of a Waffle House while crying and playing a kazoo. His expected recovery time is unknown.
--Twitter, May 17, 2019

Friday, May 10, 2019

There's something wonderfully floaty about his technique....It's almost like he's bouncing from marshmallow to marshmallow.
--NBCSN, 2019 World's Figure Skating Championship, broadcast of men's free skate, March 23, 2019
(about Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada's combination jumps)

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

If you're comfortable with an uneven paper towel tear, you're a psychopath and I can't be your friend.
--Twitter, video, October 5, 2018

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Just a couple words about rain shower faucets in your shower: One, they will drown you as soon as look at you. Two, without doing a handstand, you'll never really get a proper rinse on your nethers. Just sayin'.
--Twitter, video, March 22, 2019

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Someone told me I’m supposed to feed my rose bushes. What do they eat? Like...local children? Whipped cream? Sharks?
--Twitter, April 23 2019

Sunday, March 24, 2019

He was moving his head up and down and side to side a lot, almost like an agitated pigeon. 
--NBCSN, 2019 World Figure Skating Championships, men's short program, March 21, 2019
(on Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada's short program)

Sunday, November 4, 2018

So I'm in my new house, cleaning, and a fly got in somehow. And please riddle me this: Have you ever chased a fly with an entire vacuum cleaner simply because you had nothing else to kill it with?
--Twitter, video, October 13, 2018