Imagine like a dewy mossy field--or a pitch--on a Saturday morning. Imagine this just mob of children, running all in one direction. And wait! What's that we see out of the corner of our eye? It's the one child running the wrong way from the rest of the team. And that was me. That's how good a football player I was.

--Men in Blazers, 11/25/22: Live in Philadelphia, podcast

 

 

Blogger's note: pitch = soccer field; football = soccer

I love soccer. Because it's like a whole bunch of hot dudes, and they all do weird shit with their hair.
--Men in Blazers, 11/25/22: Live in Philadelphia, podcast

If I have a child, I'm raisin' her Amish. She's not going to know there's even electricity....She'll know all about Hermès Birkin bags, but not how to achieve them.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 74, "Kids Korner," May 24, 2018

It's Jerry Springer crossed with Xena Warrior Princess crossed with My Little Pony and everything else that could possibly be good in this world.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 44: "Endless Summer Part 1," September 6, 2017
(describing the Game of Thrones Season 7 finale, "The Dragon and the Wolf")

[T]he sun. It's almost like God is trying to say, "You're going to be happy right now," and I'm like, "Eff you, I don't want to be happy right now." So then it's just this constant fight between me and Jesus and the weather.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 44: "Endless Summer Part 1," September 6, 2017
(on why he likes cloudy weather and gets depressed when it's sunny)

I don't want anyone to think that I sneeze, blow my nose, eat, go to the bathroom, nothing. I'm just a plate. I'm just a porcelain white plate in a good outfit that sits there and is stunning.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 50: "The Dating Game of Thrones," October 28, 2017
(on making a first impression)

I want an Emmy really badly. I don't care what I have to do for it. I'll put scorpions in my pants at this point.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 49: "Him Talk Slowly," October 5, 2017

I was like mid extreme couponing for Nair and bananas, and I don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was on a bus to Foxwoods in Connecticut, which is a casino.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep 32: "Holding court at Maggiano's; Fire drills," April 5, 2017

I Windex my salad before I eat it.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep 37: "Lonely Nights," May 27, 2017

She basically looked at me like I was a bloody band-aid from six days ago that you'd find on some child's shoe.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep.39: "Live with Kelli," June 7, 2017
(describing his interaction with a rude flight attendant)

When we come back, we're going to have Ross Perot, Kanye West, and Shamu join us to talk about the upcoming vote.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 18: "The evolution of #MommyHatesIt," November 9, 2016

There wasn't like a lick of a rhinestone there. There was no music.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 18: "The evolution of #MommyHatesIt," November 9, 2016
(after the scheduled NBCSN broadcast of Grand Prix Russia was preempted by NASCAR racing)

I have nothing but respect for him, but I don’t have admiration. I suppose that’s where you could draw the line saying that I’m a callous bitch when I talk about Evan Lysacek.
--gogameface.com, GameOn podcast, "Johnny Weir and Michelle Roark," February 9, 2010

I have nothing bad to say about Evan. I think he's been a great person for our sport and, you know, while he's doing Dancing with the Stars and being the Olympic champion, last night I went on George Lopez and I rode a yak.
--101.9 The Mix Chicago, Eric and Kathy, podcast, March 25, 2010

I had never been on the back of a yak, but there was a beautiful saddle on the yak; I was not riding bareback. It was a furry saddle; I was very happy.
--101.9 The Mix Chicago, Eric and Kathy, podcast, March 25, 2010
(on his surprise yak-ride on Lopez Tonight the day before)

I couldn't be more proud of what Evan was able to accomplish at the Olympic Games. I think he worked so hard for that. I mean, he's seven-feet tall and is able to do triple axels. That's pretty incredible.
--101.9 The Mix Chicago, Eric and Kathy, podcast, March 25, 2010

I felt miniscule. There's no better diet than actually not-dieting and having to sit next to a seven-foot tall basketball player. You look tiny--no matter what. So you don't even need to diet.
--101.9 The Mix Chicago, Eric and Kathy, podcast, March 25, 2010
(on sitting next to Charles Barkley on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno) 

[If we can pick like a competitive reality show [for you to appear on], what would it be?]

Well, there are two celebrity competition shows that immediately come to mind. The first is probably Dancing with the Stars. I would love to be quote-unquote the star dancing with a real professional dancer and learning the tricks of that trade. And the second is probably The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

[Love it! Does it matter that you...have you ever lived in Atlanta? Or that doesn't matter?]

It doesn't matter at all. I just want to throw down with Kim, and that's competition enough for me.
--gogameface.com, GameOn podcast, "Johnny Weir and Michelle Roark," February 9, 2010

The world's very ignorant about things and very unaccepting. I didn't have a choice to be born this way, so you can't judge me on something that happened while I was still in my mother. 
--kfns.com, Straight to the Web, "Iggy with Johnny Weir," podcast, November 10, 2011

I never used being gay as a handicap. I only saw it as a positive, and it only made me stronger whether I was being bullied or whether I was going to compete in the Olympics. It didn't matter. I had to be strong and I had to be good at what I did, and I think that's the strongest statement I can make to the gay community.
--kfns.com, Straight to the Web, "Iggy with Johnny Weir," podcast, November 10, 2011