One of those busy days when by the end, you don’t have the energy to vacuum as planned, so you throw on your eatin’ dress and drag yourself around the house instead.  #cleaning #selflove #fitness

--Twitter, November 29, 2021

 

 Blogger's note: The tweet was accompanied by a video demonstrating this floor cleaning technique. 

Boyfriend Application: Scrubs pots. Needs to moisturize elbows. Sings off key. Forgets lyrics.  

--Twitter, November 21, 2021


Amendments to boyfriend application: 1. Sings hymns from Sister Act 2, off key 2. Adores Windex 3. Is thankful he can laugh at himself. Happy Thanksgiving America!
--Twitter. November 25, 2021

 

Blogger's note: Tweets were accompanied by videos demonstrating all the above assets. 

There’s nothing like the machismo I feel when I’ve got a big bottle of bleach in one hand and a super scrubber in the other, as I gaze out over a pristine bathroom while donning my framboise bleachin’ dress. 

--Twitter, April 7, 2021  

I did take Windex with me to Tokyo so I could satisfy my cleaning OCD whilst abroad, but so excited that I woke up at 5 today from jet-lag so I could clean one piece of onion skin from my veggie drawer that then begat a top to bottom kitchen clean-up.

--Twitter, August 11, 2021 

One mustn’t cry over spilt milk. One must endeavor to clean up the spilt milk before it destroys your countertops.
--Twitter, May 1, 2020

Someone told me I’m supposed to feed my rose bushes. What do they eat? Like...local children? Whipped cream? Sharks?
--Twitter, April 23 2019

So I'm in my new house, cleaning, and a fly got in somehow. And please riddle me this: Have you ever chased a fly with an entire vacuum cleaner simply because you had nothing else to kill it with?
--Twitter, video, October 13, 2018

I don’t have a lot of time for anything. I don’t have a personal life, I have very few friendly outings, I am constantly on an airplane and working. I’m very busy and Windex hotel rooms for fun.
--forbes.com., "Catching Up On 'Yuri!!! On Ice' With Figure Skater Johnny Weir" by Lauren Orsini, August 31, 2017

I Windex my salad before I eat it.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep 37: "Lonely Nights," May 27, 2017

If I'm not high off bathroom cleaning product fumes, it ain't Thanksgiving.
--Twitter. November 24, 2016

Got asked the most uncommon things I travel with. 1. Magic Erasers 2. Bottle of Windex 3. Mini replica of Тёма
--Twitter, June 3, 2016

Blogger's note: "Magic Eraser" is a Mr. Clean scrubbing sponge. Тёма is Johnny's adorable Japanese Chin dog.

I am exceedingly threatened by those robot vacuum cleaners.
--Twitter, April 14, 2016

I feel like dressing is a performance. I don't dress to attract a man or a lady; I want people to put me on their shelf and dust me. I want to be a tchotchke, an art installation. 
--E! (channel), Fashion Police, September 28, 2015

No place I feel more like an idiot than in a home improvement superstore. "Sssir, where's the thing you use to tighten the knobby things?" "A wrench?" "No it's different. It's squiggly." 
--Instagram, March 2, 2015

Prepping for LA tomorrow by extreme OCD cleaning. I've spent a month away from my Windex...a month too long.
--Twitter, February 6, 2015

Today has been all about Annie Lennox, Arugula and Windex. #cleanresponsibly
--Twitter, May 18, 2014

I caught the fever and decorated early for the holidays. There's nothing more exhausting than being an OCD clean freak AND a glitter fiend.
--Twitter, November 25, 2013

The fight for daily flawlessness is a hard battle, but if you’re organized and believe in yourself, anything is possible.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Terrified," April 4, 2013
 (on his evening three-hour grooming and cleaning routine)

Like clockwork, the vacuum comes out and does her best lines this week. She rounds the bends, finds her way under the overstuffed and fluffed couch the same way she does every night.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Terrified," April 4, 201

At 11:30 p.m. on that idle Monday night, I look from the magnifying mirror to the full-sized mirror and notice a stealthy, glazed-over eyeball staring back at me. It’s similar to the ones on Great White Sharks we see every summer on Discovery.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Terrified," April 4, 2013
(after his evening three-hour grooming and cleaning routine)