We're going to look like little old potatoes with impossibly tight faces.

--HBO MAX, Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, S28 Ep. 1, January 2022

(on what he and Tara Lipinski will look like at age 70)

If you're comfortable with an uneven paper towel tear, you're a psychopath and I can't be your friend.
--Twitter, video, October 5, 2018

Sometimes I feel like I can't be your friend if you don't know the cook time and temp for @Pillsbury cinny buns by heart. #WinterSundays
--Twitter, January 29, 2017

[BFF Game question: What word does Johnny say way too much?]

Johnny starts to write the word “glorious.”

[Tara Lipinski: No, don’t do that one!]

...


I mean, “glorious” is the word I say too much. But you just told me not to say that. So you fucked it up. There was a plan…

[Tara Lipinski: (laughs)]

You’ve disappointed me on an international scale. 
--buzzfeed.com, "Proof That Tara Lipinski And Johnny Weir Are Officially America's Newest Sweethearts," posted on November 5, 2014

Blogger's note: BFF = Best Friends Forever

When I'm thirty years old I don't want to look back at Priscilla, someone I see more than my own mother, and remember her as a coach. I will remember her as my friend and someone who was always there for me no matter what, and in my opinion, that's what a good coach should be.
--figureskatersonline.com/johnnyweir, Johnny Weir Online, "questions and answers," November 2006
(on long-time coach Priscilla Hill)

Happy 30th Birthday, Johnny!

[F]or me, as far as activism and trying to fix something in the world? If I was to donate that time for myself to fixing anything, it would be my own situation in America. There's still a huge portion of the country I'm still not seen as an equal human to my best friend or my mother, and I think that needs to change before America can go around bossing the rest of the world around.
-- popsugar.com, "Johnny Weir Reveals How He Was Treated in Sochi" by Alyse Whitney, March 7, 2014

It just got too hard, honestly. I had the option of choosing a happy life or to be alone for more time and completely alienate everybody and all of my friends and family once again, to diet like crazy, to get yelled at every day. It is all worth it, but there comes a time in your life when you have to decide what's next.
--online.wsj.com, "Sochi Olympics: Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski Sparkle Off the Ice" by Betsy McKay, February 18, 2014
(on his decision to retire)

She throws on her headphones and clicks through her iPod to the perfect song, a combination of ethereal voices and lingering synthesized violins. This song, while not on the charts right now, has been a sweet Prozac raindrop from a thundercloud of depression and has come to her rescue more times than not.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny’s World: Escape" June 27, 2013
(on a friend) 

Since Karen Walker and Jack McFarland gave women the impression that a gay best friend is the new black, gay men all over the world have learned that the best way to be with a woman in a plutonic relationship is to accept her crazy while she accepts yours. 
--fcnp.com, "Johnny’s World: Girl Games" May 23, 2013 

Blogger's note: I thought "plutonic" was merely a typo for "platonic"; however, the Urban Dictionary indicates that it used by some to mean "platonic."

It takes a brave person to come out publicly, whatever your own personal public may be--your friends at school, your coworkers, your teammates, or the world’s media.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny’s World: Out," May 2, 2013 

When you merge your life with someone else’s, there are all sorts of things you must learn and change--either about yourself or the one who is lucky enough to have you. You have to befriend their friends. You have to learn what toilet paper they like. You have to learn about their mood swings, family history, and even feign sharing their interests, like in gadgets or Birkin bags.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny’s World: Привет: Part 1," April 11, 2013

You know you're me when the first SMS you write in the am is to @MREricAlt reminding him to bring weave and bobby pins for tonight's event
--Twitter, April 8, 2013

I find that the average person thinks of gays either as fabulous, clever and well-dressed best friends, or pedophiles, club and drug addicts and/or the carriers of AIDS. That is quite a wide berth.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's Word: The Debate," March 28, 2013 

I lived a life devoid of loving relationships with family or friends despite being loved by many around the world, just for doing something I love. 
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Separate Togetherness," February 8, 2013

To be an Olympic-level athlete, one must be very goal-oriented, mildly selfish, and also a snob at times. It’s easy to imagine that one doesn’t make a lot of good friends with the qualities I’ve just described.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Separate Togetherness," February 8, 2013

After I’d pondered the advantages and disadvantages of having Siri tell you things as opposed to learning them, I immediately thought of people’s relationships with Siri. She is a good friend. She is friendly, always gives us a straight answer, doesn’t drink or smoke and is clever. She’s exactly the kind of girl our parents stress for us to hang out with. But she’s a computer.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Dear Johnny," December 13, 2012
(on Apple's iPhone speech-recognition "personal assistant.")

Thank you, Sasha. I value that very much because I've known you longer than all these bitches.
--Logo, Be Good Johnny Weir, Season 2, Ep. 4
(to Russian skater Alexander Uspenski after he agreed to perform in Johnny's Spectacular. "Bitches" refers to Tara Modlin, her boyfriend Josh King, and Tara's friend Carin)

To Cazwell:
I want to do something fun.

[Cazwell: OK.] 

And I want to merge with you.

[Cazwell: Um.]

On a song.

[Cazwell: OK.]

Musically.
--Logo, Be Good Johnny Weir, Season 2, Ep.9

I'm an insomniac. Ambien is my best friend.
--New York magazine, "Here's Johnny" by Sarah Bernard, February 20, 2006

The bachelor party I can't do.

[Josh King: Why not?]

Well, because it's really boyish, and there are strippers, and like, what am I gonna do there?
 --Logo, Be Good Johnny Weir, Season 2, Ep.10