The whole world is watching [to see if Ilia Malinin does a quad axel in the free skate]. It's very different from when Tara and I skated when you had to get news about your closest rivals by a carrier pigeon. Everyone sees everything. 

--USA channel, women's short, U. S. Nationals, January 26, 2023

[On camera: Johnny visibly trying to suppress laugh]

[Terry Gannon: You alright?]

He's just so cute! [laughing out loud] Sorry. It's like a duckling.

--USA channel, men's short, U.S. Nationals, January 27, 2023

(after skater Ilia Malinin is interviewed by Andrea Joyce)

I think the Inland [Forecast] is very important because it's farthest from the sharks.

 

[Tara Lipinski: Johnny hates sharks.]

I hate sharks and I know they're up here in that Bay.

--nbcbayarea.com, "Johnny Weir, Tara Lipinski Do the Weather," January 25, 2023

(when Johnny and Tara did the weather forecast for the San Francisco Bay area)

Who knew that the banana's not only great for potassium and cramps, but could also save your grandmother from an imminent wolf attack?

--Peacock (streaming service), Eurovision 2022, Semifinal 1, May 10, 2022

(on the lyrics to Norway's entry, "Give That Wolf a Banana" sung by Subwoolfer)

On clear nights, before bed, I take a second to go out back and look at the stars and breathe a minute. There’s been this bunny around though for about a year, he’s the size of a small pony, and he stares me down. Do I give him a name & salad or get frightened? Goodnight!

--Twitter, March 22, 2022 

[Terry Gannon: [They] teamed up all the way back in 2004. When she was 7 and he was 9 years of age. They're the only partners they've ever had on the ice.]

Like penguins, Terrance.

--USA (TV channel), rhythm dance, 2022 Olympics, February 12, 2022

(on Ukrainian ice dancers Oleksandra Nazarova and Maksym Nikitin)

 Like the dance of an elegant snow crane.

--Olympic Channel, Rostelecom Cup, men's short program, broadcast November 29, 2021

(on the skating skills of Canadian skater Roman Sadovsky)

I need to get used to being home in the country. There’s something that sounds like a dinosaur in my meadow…

--Twitter, August 10, 2021 

I need to stop watching true crime documentaries. Really scary dreams, suspicious of pretty much every human I meet and don’t get me started about the raccoons who nimbly access my waste receptacles & leave half eaten cheesecakes on the lids as a warning message to me...

--Twitter, February 25, 2021

I love living in the countryside. Any weird noises you hear outside at night are always from judgmental beasts who break into your trash bins, are in rut, are eating your trees or admiring your home. Lovely. 

--Twitter, March 25, 2021 

When somebody can jump like that, you know they were raised right. It's like a dog having good manners.

--NBC, USFS Nationals, men's free skate, January 17, 2021
(on skater Yaroslav Paniot's consistently exceptional jumps)

You walk a little bit like a penguin in those. You should be able to try and walk like a pony or like Naomi Campbell.

--marvel.com, Marvel Storyboards, "Johnny Weir and the History of Super Hero Costumes!" posted August 13, 2020

(to Joe Quesada, Creative Director of Marvel Entertainment, as Quesada walks to the skating rink wearing hockey skates)

I hope I don't cross her because she has a lot of big cats that she could sic on me.  

--EW.com, "Johnny Weir won't cross Carole Baskin on DWTS: She has 'big cats that she could sic on me,'" by Rosy Cordero, September 9, 2020  

(on Carole Baskin, founder of Big Cat Rescue, featured in the Netflix docuseries Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness. She and Johnny Weir will both compete on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars.)

I need to become a panda mother, where I’d go and sit with baby pandas and teach them how to balance a checkbook and land triple lutzes and stuff.
--Twitter, August 8, 2019

In related news tonight, Johnny Weir was found nesting like a goose in a dark corner of a Waffle House while crying and playing a kazoo. His expected recovery time is unknown.
--Twitter, May 17, 2019

Someone told me I’m supposed to feed my rose bushes. What do they eat? Like...local children? Whipped cream? Sharks?
--Twitter, April 23 2019

He was moving his head up and down and side to side a lot, almost like an agitated pigeon. 
--NBCSN, 2019 World Figure Skating Championships, men's short program, March 21, 2019
(on Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada's short program)

So I'm in my new house, cleaning, and a fly got in somehow. And please riddle me this: Have you ever chased a fly with an entire vacuum cleaner simply because you had nothing else to kill it with?
--Twitter, video, October 13, 2018

Honestly the first time I’ve done a production call where I ask for many things not limited to, wheat fronds, a dog & Alexander Skarsgård
--Twitter, October 5, 2017
(on his appearance on Lip Sync Battle)

When I think of beach--sharks, sunburn, and sand...in places it shouldn't be. I'm not a beach fan. I'm more of a snowy mountain sort of girl.
--Food Network, Wedding Cake Championship, "Viva Mexico," Season 1, Ep. 2, July 2, 2018