There's something in this performance that makes me feel like I got hit by a bag of baggage claims somewhere and woke up in one of the most magnificent places, and it's like...How?...Where am I?!

--Peacock (streaming service), Eurovision 2022, Semifinal 1, May 10, 2022

(on Norway's entry, "Give That Wolf a Banana" sung by Subwoolfer)

It's about as effective as using cheese as a hammer.

--NBC, team event men's free skate, 2022 Olympics, February 5, 2022

(on the jumping technique Canadian skater Roman Sadovsky used during his performance)

Apologies for being so absent. I’ve been studying flatware, a spoon in particular, for days now. I have a full life. 

--Twitter, March 19, 2021 

Like when you drop a piece of velvet and you watch it slowly slither into itself on the floor; just absolutely magical skating.

[Terry Gannon: You drop velvet on the floor often?]

Yes, Terrance. On a Saturday night I can be found just dropping sheets of velvet onto the floor instead of going the the club, just trying to reimagine the skating of Sui Wenjing and Han Cong.

--NBCSN, 2021 World Figure Skating Championship, broadcast of pair's short program, March 24, 2021

(on the skating of the Chinese pair skaters)

Tender Vegetation. Can that be one of our drag names?
--Twitter, April 22, 2020
(after seeing the phrase "Protect Tender Vegetation" in a frost advisory from a local TV meteorologist)

I need to become a panda mother, where I’d go and sit with baby pandas and teach them how to balance a checkbook and land triple lutzes and stuff.
--Twitter, August 8, 2019

The layers of judgement in our world are plenty, but I so prefer believing people are good, before I judge them for being being bad. Give each other a chance. There is no normal and there is no weird. Just be and let everyone around you be too.
--Twitter, September 21, 2019

In related news tonight, Johnny Weir was found nesting like a goose in a dark corner of a Waffle House while crying and playing a kazoo. His expected recovery time is unknown.
--Twitter, May 17, 2019

I believe that no matter how weird you are, how different you are, how eccentric, how flamboyant, how "whatever" you are what you are, everyone else is just as weird as you are.
--nbcnews.com, "Johnny Weir on standing up to bullying and being comfortable in your own skin" by Margaret O'Malley, April 11, 2018

One of those long, hard days when you just end up smelling of Chanel number 5 and wookie.
--Twitter, January 6, 2017

When we come back, we're going to have Ross Perot, Kanye West, and Shamu join us to talk about the upcoming vote.
--Tara and Johnny podcast, Ep. 18: "The evolution of #MommyHatesIt," November 9, 2016

Bringing companion animals to the ice and competing at the Olympic level goes back generations. I'm happy to see it finally shown during the Grand Prix.
--Twitter, NBCOlympics, commenting a video clip from the 2016 French Grand Prix showing a pigeon flying near Russian skater Alena Leonova during her free program.

I am exceedingly threatened by those robot vacuum cleaners.
--Twitter, April 14, 2016

[Sarah Evans: Well, good luck tonight! I hope you have a blast, and, um…]

I hope I fall. I hope I trip and fall. But thank you.

[Sarah Evans: Jennifer Lawrence-style? Like graceful?]

I feel like less graceful.

[Sarah Evans: Like full-on...]

Like Ass. Up.

[Sarah Evans: Ooooo! Hashtag!]

Hashtag “ass up.”
--YouTube.com, 7th Annual Shorty Awards, red carpet interview by Sarah Evans, awards April 20, 2015, interview video published April 21, 2015
(on his presenting at the awards show)

I wanted to tweet something about how many handsome men there were at Detroit airport & praise the Middle West then it got weird so, yeah.
--Twitter, August 9, 2015

[UPJLacrosse @upjlax: First time going to Louisville... Where is the No. 1 spot to chow down?]

I eat whatever I find under the table.
--#JOHNNYTARATAKEOVER, Twitter @NBCSN, April 29, 2015

[With British accent:]
Hello, this is Johnny Weir reporting live from inside my suitcase. I've lost my mind. Derby packing.
--vine.co, NBC Sports Network, "Where in the world is @JohnnyGWeir?" #KYDerby

[Tara Lipinski: She really upset the applecart in the short program...Can she seize the day, Johnny?]

She upset the applecart? What is that?

[Tara Lipinski: Never heard it before?]

Nope.

[Tara: Terry?]

[Terry Gannon: A "rainbow and sparrows" guy never heard of that? That's a saying, John. Get with it.]

Triple applecart, double applecart, double applecart. Triple lutz, double toe loop, double loop. Shake it up, Satoko-san.
--NBC, World Figure Skating Championship 2015, ladies free skate, broadcast March 28, 2015
(on Japanese skater's Satoko Miyahara's unexpected silver medal performance)

Blogger's note: For an explanation of Terry Gannon's "rainbow and sparrows' guy" comment, click here.

Finished unpacking for the day. I think I've finally determined my decoration style. Rococo Regal Rustic with a touch of Grandma's thong.
--Twitter, April 3, 2015

I have a pickaxe! I have a pickaxe! Gold panning! Gold panning!
--NBC, Super Bowl Zone, January 31, 2015
(during a visit to the Rawhide Western Town)