Now that I’ve slept on what my gymnastics career would look like, I think I’d be more focused on my vault run face than my actual vault which isn’t conducive to long term success. I’ll stick to sit spins over wolf spins. 

--Twitter, June 28, 2021  

Does anyone else put fragrance on for zoom meetings?

--Twitter, March 13, 2022

That thing when you catch your dad yelling at the commentator on tv and YOU are the commentator on tv.

--Twitter, March 26, 2022 

I just wish people would love each other and take care of each other. Life is so short, why waste time on hating or becoming a victim? If you put out love, love comes back to you. Love a stranger, love a co-worker, love your mother. Just love people.
--Twitter, April 29, 2020

One of those busy days when by the end, you don’t have the energy to vacuum as planned, so you throw on your eatin’ dress and drag yourself around the house instead.  #cleaning #selflove #fitness

--Twitter, November 29, 2021

 

 Blogger's note: The tweet was accompanied by a video demonstrating this floor cleaning technique. 

I may putt by. Does anyone need a cart driver? I can’t guarantee they’ll make it to the right place, but I’ll sure try for an eagle.

--Twitter, August 6, 2022

(after being invited by the BMW (Golf) Championship to come to the event)

My mom went out shopping today.--Hi, Mom!--She's for sure going to see this.--She went out shopping today, and she bought me what I can only call a light oatmeal pair of biker shorts. And reading between the family lines I think she's frustrated that I'm still single.

--Twitter, video, May 5, 2022

At that point in my diet when I’d buy tickets to sit next to someone and watch them eat pizza.

--Twitter, April 16, 2022 

There is an infinite amount of love in this world to obliterate the negativity that surrounds us all every day. Stay true to yourselves and step boldly into that love if you feel yourself crumbling into the muck around you.
--Twitter, April 1, 2022

On clear nights, before bed, I take a second to go out back and look at the stars and breathe a minute. There’s been this bunny around though for about a year, he’s the size of a small pony, and he stares me down. Do I give him a name & salad or get frightened? Goodnight!

--Twitter, March 22, 2022 

Anyone else at that point in their spring diet where you prepare arugula with lemon juice yet you close your eyes and pretend it’s a fresh scone with clotted cream and apricot preserves? 

--Twitter, April 20, 2021 

Talked to millions of people, called 245 programs, learned life bios on 145 people, laughed & cried a lot, ate pity cake too often & wouldn’t have it any other way.

--Twitter, February 19, 2022 

Learn from other people’s successes, but never compare your achievements to theirs. Your journey is your own and there is no template other than the one you make for yourself.

--Twitter, April 6, 2021 

Boyfriend Application: Scrubs pots. Needs to moisturize elbows. Sings off key. Forgets lyrics.  

--Twitter, November 21, 2021


Amendments to boyfriend application: 1. Sings hymns from Sister Act 2, off key 2. Adores Windex 3. Is thankful he can laugh at himself. Happy Thanksgiving America!
--Twitter. November 25, 2021

 

Blogger's note: Tweets were accompanied by videos demonstrating all the above assets. 

I need to get used to being home in the country. There’s something that sounds like a dinosaur in my meadow…

--Twitter, August 10, 2021 

I have costume fittings today & I just know it’s going to be torturous because my diet hasn’t caught up to my brain yet. The thing about lime green latex though, it hides all of life’s little lumps That is an absolute lie.

--Twitter, June 26, 2021 

The man I’ve grown into is a human that embraces the strength of the man & woman who raised me to be myself. If you feel squashed by the boot of someone else’s beliefs, remember you are free to live your life the way YOU believe. Also, religion isn’t an excuse for hate. 

--Twitter, August 8, 2021

Blogger's note:
The above tweet was a response to Jenna Ellis' insulting tweet about Johnny's masculinity because of what he wore to the Tokyo Olympic's closing ceremony:

I’m not very conservative nor am I easily shocked, but I just saw a commercial on television that was promoting an appropriate tool to “shave your balls” and I clutched my pearls while gasping.
--Twitter, April 30, 2020

What’s the polite way to let your upstairs hotel neighbor know that they have woken you up every day of your trip between 04:30-06:30am with what I can only imagine is a new majorette routine rehearsal or bathroom demolition? Do I send a note?

--Twitter, July 30, 2021 

Just searched for my phone for 45 minutes. It was in the vegetable drawer of my fridge so...well played Monday.

--Twitter, May 24, 2010