One of those busy days when by the end, you don’t have the energy to vacuum as planned, so you throw on your eatin’ dress and drag yourself around the house instead.  #cleaning #selflove #fitness

--Twitter, November 29, 2021

 

 Blogger's note: The tweet was accompanied by a video demonstrating this floor cleaning technique. 

It's about as effective as using cheese as a hammer.

--NBC, team event men's free skate, 2022 Olympics, February 5, 2022

(on the jumping technique Canadian skater Roman Sadovsky used during his performance)

I’m not very conservative nor am I easily shocked, but I just saw a commercial on television that was promoting an appropriate tool to “shave your balls” and I clutched my pearls while gasping.
--Twitter, April 30, 2020

Just searched for my phone for 45 minutes. It was in the vegetable drawer of my fridge so...well played Monday.

--Twitter, May 24, 2010 

I did take Windex with me to Tokyo so I could satisfy my cleaning OCD whilst abroad, but so excited that I woke up at 5 today from jet-lag so I could clean one piece of onion skin from my veggie drawer that then begat a top to bottom kitchen clean-up.

--Twitter, August 11, 2021 

That thing when you’re asked to measure your bandwidth and you whip out a measuring tape. In related news, I wasn’t doing it right.   

--Twitter, March 16, 2021 

So I'm in my new house, cleaning, and a fly got in somehow. And please riddle me this: Have you ever chased a fly with an entire vacuum cleaner simply because you had nothing else to kill it with?
--Twitter, video, October 13, 2018

I am exceedingly threatened by those robot vacuum cleaners.
--Twitter, April 14, 2016

It's fun when you travel so much that you have no idea what your zip code is OR how to work the electronics in your home. Microwave clock?
--Twitter, February 12, 2016

You know you travel too much when half the barren wasteland that is your fridge is made up of skin products. Bonus product: Porcelain encased butter (Fat)
--Instagram, May 5, 2015

No place I feel more like an idiot than in a home improvement superstore. "Sssir, where's the thing you use to tighten the knobby things?" "A wrench?" "No it's different. It's squiggly." 
--Instagram, March 2, 2015

In any event, the speech finished, I left feeling awful and my only solace was in a half eaten carton of Breyers, freezer burned to death in the back of my freezer.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Foot in Mouth" December 3, 2013
(about the aftermath of his speech at Barnard College on December 1, 2013, which ended with a Q and A in which he called people protesting his speech because he opposes a boycott of a Sochi Olympics, "idiots.")

Like clockwork, the vacuum comes out and does her best lines this week. She rounds the bends, finds her way under the overstuffed and fluffed couch the same way she does every night.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Terrified," April 4, 201

When I realize the simple fact that I am a tyrant with possibly a touch of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I rush out of the bathroom (once the lotions have soaked in) to find my husband and my puppy cowering in the corner not wanting to walk on the carpet...They look at me with wide eyes and with a sprinkle of jealousy toward my vacuum.
--fcnp.com, "Johnny's World: Terrified," April 4, 2013
(on his evening three-hour grooming and cleaning routine)

Where're pluggy innie thingies?
--Food Network, Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off, Season 2, Ep. 4
(looking for an outlet to plug in the electric mixer)

[What kitchen tool can’t you live without?]

A whisk. It makes me feel fancy.
--foodnetwork.com, "Meet Johnny Weir--Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off" by Joseph Erdos, January 4, 2013

[What’s the most surprising thing we’d find in your fridge?]

Skin cream.

--foodnetwork.com, "Meet Johnny Weir--Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off" by Joseph Erdos, January 4, 2013

I just begrudgingly decorated the apartment because Victor really wanted the decorations. I'm not so into all that sparkly stuff because then I have to vacuum it up.
--icenetwork.com, "Healing Weir to headline 'Holiday Dreams on Ice' by Lynn Rutherford, December 12, 2012
(on decorating for the December holidays)

Is it wrong to vacuum lines into the carpet so Sandy thinks better of me? 
--Twitter, October 29, 2012
(on Hurricane Sandy)

Nothing like wrapping presents to solidify the fact that you didn't get ALL the gay genes...#powertoolsaisle7 Origami isn't in my skill set.
--Twitter, December 21, 2011