[T]here are things that have looked better than others. And I will say there was one. It was a patent leather, puffy sort of straitjacket thing that I bought in Japan that I wore on television but the armholes were so low because of just the uniqueness of the garment that I couldn’t really get the microphone to my mouth. That made it difficult to work and I looked a little bit crazy like I was wearing a big puffy trash bag. 

--Queerty, "Johnny Weir on playing himself on 'Night Court,' his wild fashions, and being told to "butch" it up," Johnny Lopez, February 21, 2023
(on his fashion choices over the years)

The whole world is watching [to see if Ilia Malinin does a quad axel in the free skate]. It's very different from when Tara and I skated when you had to get news about your closest rivals by a carrier pigeon. Everyone sees everything. 

--USA channel, women's short, U. S. Nationals, January 26, 2023

Does anyone else put fragrance on for zoom meetings?

--Twitter, March 13, 2022

If you don't hear from me it's because I don't know how to work the walkie-talkie and not that some demonic thing has killed me. 

--Travel Channel, Ghost Hunters, "Bound By Blood," Season 15, ep. 2, October 9, 2022 

(after volunteering to stay, alone, in a supposedly haunted basement)

Just searched for my phone for 45 minutes. It was in the vegetable drawer of my fridge so...well played Monday.

--Twitter, May 24, 2010 

Just daydreamed for a solid ten minutes about what my hairstyle would be if I ever guest hosted Jeopardy. 100% it’d be blue...maybe with calculators and Rubik’s Cubes pinned in...we’ll revisit this later.

--Twitter, May 10, 2021 

That thing when you’re asked to measure your bandwidth and you whip out a measuring tape. In related news, I wasn’t doing it right.   

--Twitter, March 16, 2021 

If you ever catch me with those ear bud pod things in my ears, snatch my wig and send me straight to church.
--Twitter, April 13, 2020

This moment when there are technical glitches with the computers and things like that are so uncomfortable, when you're the one left out on the ice, it's kind of like you're the one who showed up to grade school wearing a Halloween costume and no one else has one on. And everyone can see you.
--NBCSN, Skate America, men's free skate, October 18, 2019

I'll tell you what, calling comcast and Xfinity every few days for the last month and giving them an average of 40 minutes of my life per call, having at least four expert technicians come to my home and still nobody can help me makes me want to go full Amish and forget the tech.
--Twitter, August 7, 2019

Whenever “the dark net” is brought up in the news, it shocks me that people can even find it. I can’t even find Siri on my iPhone X. Like, where is she bruh?
--Twitter, August 7, 2018

That awkward moment when you realize you're too over the top for your own google. And you type "emerald crystal chandelier," and it comes back after it felt like 10 minutes and says, "Did you just mean green, you pretentious queen?"
--Instagram, video, May 6, 2018

That hilarious thing when your iPhoto does facial recognition for your "top people" & all 4 are you, just in different hair and makeup.
--Twitter, July 12, 2017

Apparently I have no idea who about 63% of the people in my phone are. Either I meet a lot of people when I'm drinking or I'm bad with names
--Twitter, February 24, 2017

I wish I'd allow myself to get into InstaStory. I just fear that you'd have videos of my inner ear and handbag muffles of me cursing.
--Twitter, February 21, 2017 
(on a feature of the photo sharing app Instagram) 

I am exceedingly threatened by those robot vacuum cleaners.
--Twitter, April 14, 2016

[Sarah Evans: Well, good luck tonight! I hope you have a blast, and, um…]

I hope I fall. I hope I trip and fall. But thank you.

[Sarah Evans: Jennifer Lawrence-style? Like graceful?]

I feel like less graceful.

[Sarah Evans: Like full-on...]

Like Ass. Up.

[Sarah Evans: Ooooo! Hashtag!]

Hashtag “ass up.”
--YouTube.com, 7th Annual Shorty Awards, red carpet interview by Sarah Evans, awards April 20, 2015, interview video published April 21, 2015
(on his presenting at the awards show)

I have a very basic knowledge of the computers and the fax machines and emojis and things, so…I’m just sort of here because I wanted to wear my outfit.
--YouTube.com, 7th Annual Shorty Awards, red carpet interview by Sarah Evans, awards April 20, 2015, interview video published April 21, 2015
(on why he was a presenter at the Shorty Awards, which honors the best content in social media.)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be tweeting my entire life and what sort of debauchery will keep it entertaining if I make it to 80?
--Twitter, January 23, 2016

It's fun when you travel so much that you have no idea what your zip code is OR how to work the electronics in your home. Microwave clock?
--Twitter, February 12, 2016